No Condition in Hate

Banyak orang bilang untuk mencintai sesuatu atau seseorang terkadang tidak diperlukan alasan. "There is no condition in love." Bagaimana dengan membenci?

Seseorang diperbolehkan untuk mencintai sesuatu atau seseorang tanpa alasan. Jadi, bolehkah membenci sesuatu atau seseorang tanpa alasan pula? Jadi tak payah menjelaskan panjang lebar kenapa tidak menyukai barang atau orang itu.

Jika seseorang yang dibenci bertanya, "Kenapa kau membenci aku?" Jawab saja, "Haruskah ada alasan untuk membencimu? Sama halnya mencintai sesuatu atau seseorang tanpa alasan. Aku membencimu tanpa alasan. Yang aku tahu, AKU HANYA TIDAK SUKA."

'Mati' Terhormat

Terkadang 'harga diri' dan 'idealisme' sering membuat seseorang tidak menang dan menyerah. Yes it absolutely is. Namun kalah dengan cara 'terhormat'.

Banyak orang berkata kepadaku, "Bodoh sekali kau! Kau punya kelemahan mereka ditanganmu, tapi kau diamkan. Dan kini kau mati dengan konyol." Jadi lebih bodoh siapa? Memenangkan sesuatu dengan cara curang atau aku, the loser who try to reach it in a fair play?

And many dogmatists also sermonize, "Oh, come on girl. Do not live your life too wise. You ain't an angel. You know what? I'm sick when you behave as an angel on this devilish earth."

Well, I feel... I'm feeling good when I die as an angel. Yet, it is a shame when I survive as an evil.
So be it. Paling lama tiga hari, dan semuanya akan lupa kekalahan itu.
Jatuh? Get up! Fight back!

Die as a man of honor and get loud applause.

Sakit

This fucking heart is pain, again, and I don't know how many times it's been. I know what it is caused by, poorly I don't know how to get it off. It's been a hell heart since somebody tells me about this shit. Breathless. I guess Death will greet me earlier than it should be. Just wait for it then, now closing the eyes and smile to it.

And somebody's stuff is hugging me tonight.

You're gone!/?

Yesterday, I still could see you standing there so far. Today, I see no shadow of you. You finally disappear. You're gone. And now, I really suck. I really live like a shit. You ask me to live my life on. But how? If my life is gone as well. My life is you. I told you that I need 'step by step' going down this stairs. You ask me to 'jump', and for sure, I 'fall'. And I don't know how to get up.

I really got fatigue being a beggar. This time I won't beg. I won't beg. Let my own life ruins me.
Now, will you really become somebody that I used to know?

Spaceless Heart

Can't breathe again. Huft... Why like this? Sorry my dear Lord, I'm not complaining, but it's really huge inside. Yes, something's stuck there. Unfortunately I see no existence. So, how to pull it out? It glues there. Oh hell, what happened to my heart? Arrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh Wanna cry out loud and puke this shit out.

It's bad idea to just teach me how to love, not how to stop it.

Why Him? Why Not Me?

Love is faultless. Yes, I start to believe it. After it took a long time discussing to myself and eventually I agree to let the guardian go. Talking to my  high ego was a hard nut to crack, fortunately it results a decision that love is not to be possessed , but present a happiness. Let the guardian go to where the guardian should be, yes, my heart hold no more.

What I want is simply watching the guardian smiling. I just wanna witness it. Making sure the guardian is happy there. Yet, I see no smile. The guardian said 'the Crab' is inside. Again and again the guardian suffers more. The guardian expects no care of me. The guardian needs time. No, I can't wait any longer because I must know how the guardian is. I must guarantee God looks after the guardian as what I pray every night.

If this thing becomes such complicated, why don't God make it simple. Lay 'the Crab' on me, not on the guardian. Why He chooses the guardian? Why not me? Why not me?

God's Good Girl

I thought I'm like another girls in common. Having a fun childhood, growing as a teenage, finding love, getting married, looking after cute children, growing old together with a valentine. Sadly, God wants me to be different. He gives me a special story. He lets me losing my beloved one.

So be it. Sometimes, some people are better staying in heart, not in life for some reasons. Though, it is a hell when a person who used to gives the best memories, now that person is just a memory. The most hurting thing isn't remembering those who hurt you but being left by those who color your life with smiles.

Really sorry my dear God. It is not blaming You. I'm just a girl who looking for the reason why it is happened. Even sometimes when I've found it, I'm still pretending I know nothing. I beg you, dun let this change me. I just always wanna be Your good girl.